Posted in Being Vulnerable

S.A. doesn’t always mean Smart Ass

Well that last one was cute. Easy read, easy to forget. That’s fine. So what about this one? Should it be light or heavy? This week has been a bit heavy. Nothing unimaginable, just some good learning opportunities jumping out at me. For example, I’ve been confronted, again, with the hard fact that I am severely impatient.

And this isn’t news to me.

Yet it still hurts to be reminded again and again about it. I mean, I want to be patient. Obviously. And honestly I work on it all the time. Trust me! All I’ve ever dreamed about is being that calm water people trust. But the reality is, there’s a shark in this water.

Now, I could blame my ego for this, as many people tend to do, but I refuse to believe my ego is the bad guy. Instead, I choose to believe my ego is my self defense coming to shield me from harm. It’s not trying to hinder my performance, but protect it. I snap like a shark because that’s my survival instinct.

However, I’ve come to realize that travelling in survival mode really isn’t my best mode of transportation anymore.

And you know what is?


Ew, gross! Not compassion! Not that icky sticky yucky emotional shit. God, please, anything but that!

Unfortunately, yes, compassion is the best driver.

And I realize that now.

However, realization is funny. It’s never there when you need it. It’s essentially one of those useless friends that show up two hours late to a party with zero remorse.

“Like common dude, where were you when I needed you?!”

“Um, well, I was sleeping man.”

“Well thanks for nothing you sorry son of a bitch.”

And that’s where self awareness comes in. Now, self awareness is another friend. She’s the true friend you need to love and dote over because when she does show up to the party, she saves your ass! But, she won’t show up unannounced. She’s not pushy like that. You need to invite her in, make her feel comfortable, offer her a beverage and tell her how gorgeous she is. Like I said, she needs love. And eventually, after much wooing, she will come around unannounced and unguarded and ready to show up for you. And just when you least expect it, she’ll walk in instead of Mr. Ego and you’ll be wondering why you didn’t invite her in sooner.


lover of words

One thought on “S.A. doesn’t always mean Smart Ass

  1. I’m catching up on my reading today. Just read your blog from newest to oldest posts. This. One. Is. The. One. I. Like. Best. Don’t call the grammar police on me. That emphasis was intentional. L love you little girl. Your adventure, your life, you… are headed in the right direction.


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