Posted in Being Vulnerable

Just shut the fuck up

Going to the beach has always triggered me. I don’t talk about it because I don’t like giving voice to shame or negativity.

But now that I think about it, I’ve never once not been self conscious at the beach, even at my prime fitness level I thought about it.

And it’s stupid and cliche and I hate it. I hate that I am self conscious like everyone else. Because I am grateful for my body and its health and its excellent job of keeping me alive. Why should I expect it to be the tightest, sexiest whateverist too?And I know no matter how fit someone is, they are still self conscious so what am I trying to achieve anyways? I guess it is just the natural cycle of things, but I wish it would stop. I wish I never thought about how I looked because it’s exhausting and I am ready to be productive now.

I don’t weigh myself anymore or date douche bag gym rats or count calories or binge eat or starve or take diet pills either. I do nothing dangerous, but even after all I have overcome, I am still here dwelling on how I look. Dwelling on the fact that I don’t gym as hard as I use to or I don’t eat as clean as I use to. But you know what? I wasn’t satisfied then either!

And I know, I know I am not on this earth to be sexy or to be beautiful. I am just here because I am here. So why am I so afraid of how I measure up? And how do I stop it?

How do we stop it?

Propose real solutions.

  1. Speak kindly to yourself daily
  2. Tell loved ones when you are struggling
  3. Ask yourself what you are grateful for
  4. Tell yourself, “One day I will be jealous of this body so just shut the fuck up!”


lover of words

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