Going to the beach has always triggered me. I don’t talk about it because I don’t like giving voice to shame or negativity.
But now that I think about it, I’ve never once not been self conscious at the beach, even at my prime fitness level I thought about it.
And it’s stupid and cliche and I hate it. I hate that I am self conscious like everyone else. Because I am grateful for my body and its health and its excellent job of keeping me alive. Why should I expect it to be the tightest, sexiest whateverist too?And I know no matter how fit someone is, they are still self conscious so what am I trying to achieve anyways? I guess it is just the natural cycle of things, but I wish it would stop. I wish I never thought about how I looked because it’s exhausting and I am ready to be productive now.
I don’t weigh myself anymore or date douche bag gym rats or count calories or binge eat or starve or take diet pills either. I do nothing dangerous, but even after all I have overcome, I am still here dwelling on how I look. Dwelling on the fact that I don’t gym as hard as I use to or I don’t eat as clean as I use to. But you know what? I wasn’t satisfied then either!
And I know, I know I am not on this earth to be sexy or to be beautiful. I am just here because I am here. So why am I so afraid of how I measure up? And how do I stop it?
How do we stop it?
Propose real solutions.
- Speak kindly to yourself daily
- Tell loved ones when you are struggling
- Ask yourself what you are grateful for
- Tell yourself, “One day I will be jealous of this body so just shut the fuck up!”