My sister emailed.
She is still in pain.
My choice to block her on every platform broke her heart.
She feels betrayed.
I know the feeling.
Because that’s why I blocked her.
I felt she took his side instead of mine and I was enraged.
After all this time, how could she?
But maybe I am mistaken.
Maybe I assumed incorrectly.
I tend to do that when I’m angry.
Assume the worst.
Blame everything on you
Because of course it’s not me.
So her email.
Again, I know the feeling.
When I moved from California to North Carolina when I was 23, I felt alone.
The only people I knew was
Me, myself and I.
And to top it off, my friend Teddy, who I was very close to at the time, stopped talking to me because his new girlfriend didn’t trust our friendship.
I don’t think he realized how painful that decision was for me.
I cried immediately when he told me we couldn’t talk anymore.
I sobbed realizing I was alone.
I was so utterly alone.
I had just moved across the country and I had no one.
All I had was my work.
And my mom.
I would call her everyday
Just because I needed to hear a familiar voice.
So I do understand my sister’s pain.
And I do understand I acted rashly in my anger.
And I apologized for what I did.
But I don’t expect it to go back to normal.
I’m not that naive.
I understand I cut a deep wound in her heart.
And since I have my own wounds, I know they don’t heal quickly or even smoothly for that matter.
I feel all I can do is just wait and hold space for her pain.
Because isn’t that what I would want if I were in her shoes?