So far, I’ve met two Americans through facebook this week.
Both very lovely women.
Both married.
And I hope they last.
I mean, I hope our friendship lasts.
This is always my fear.
Rejection
Or even worse
Apathy.
I’m always the initiator in relationships.
I am always searching for that Grey and Yang relationship.
And I actually found it once, in North Carolina, with my roommate Sarah.
But can I find it here?
Will someone let me be their Grey?
Because I miss sleepovers damn it!
The horns would honk
The whistles would blow
And the men would stare.
It started when I was fourteen
Walking down the street
in Sacramento.
I felt the attention.
Part of me liked it,
I’m not gonna lie.
But then part of me also felt scared
I was being sexualized and I didn’t even know what that meant.
But it kept happening.
I’d walk
And they’d drive by.
For years this went on
When I was a kid.
It was weird
But it became normal.
And now as a grown adult,
It stopped.
Which some would say, thank god.
But in my fucked up head
I’ve been conditioned to think
“Am I not beautiful anymore?”
Whick makes me wonder
How any woman survives puberty
Unblemished
When they’re taught as children
That only their looks are worth attention.
Instagram : @harleyray.blog
I hear you whispering in my ear. Knocking at my door. Pay attention! Pay attention! There is something I have to tell you! Something urgent, something true. I turn on the light and squint with displeasure "What is the password?", I say with amuse. "Does it matter?", you hiss. "Yes", I whisper back, "boundaries are a must. I don't just let anyone into my house, you see. Only I hold the key." The darkness holds you still. You're shocked! What happened to the people pleasing girl I knew? But after a ponder you quickly propose, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said last night. Will you please let me in?" And from the depths of darkness you start hearing laughter calling "Let you in?", I say. "You must be joking. I have nothing left to offer you. Time is of the essence and I cannot continue this game. Now leave me to sleep as I was having a good dream." You shake your head with confusion Our relationship had been your safest scheme. Now what would you do? Rejection didn't suit you. So you leapt from the porch in search of the next ear, trusting she was near.
